


there’s no such thing as accidentally committing a murder

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: Character Death, Damien Thorn/Pip Pirrup but it’s very vaguely implied and you’ll probably miss it, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Gen, Help, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I’m so sorry, M/M, Not really though, Please Kill Me, Writing Prompt, it was just something i did for a writing prompt because i was bored, oh also the writing prompt was something about death, oh and it’s onesided :), so i figured id do sp fanfic and now here we are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:28:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27158609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: kenny bleeds out. then he dies n has a chat w damien n pip in hell lmaoit’s serious at first but i slowly lost all will to live as i continued to write thisit was for one of those writing october things, like the artober stuff except. it was. for writingthe title doesn’t make sense but then again neither does more than half of this story
Relationships: Estella Havisham/Philip Pirrip (mentioned/implied), Kyle Broflovski/Kenny McCormick
Kudos: 5





	there’s no such thing as accidentally committing a murder

Shoulders shaking, they dropped their bloodied knife and fell to their knees. Crimson stained their legs.   
It was warm. Very warm. Smelled of copper, tasted like iron. How did it get into his mouth? They weren’t speaking as it happened, right? 

He didn’t mean to. He didn’t. They were just… _arguing._ But what was it about? He couldn’t remember. He just... felt angry. And then his hand slipped. Right? That’s what happened.  
His breathing quieted now, small gasps for air mixed with choking on his own blood. Kyle bent over him, finally realizing just what it was that he’d done. “Oh, god. Kenny, I’m so sorry, I-“

He didn’t respond, just looked up at him with betrayal and shock as blood slid down his throat, mixing with salty tears. It broke Kyle’s heart. He pressed his hand against the wound that he created and tried to stop it.   
“Please, _please_ don’t die, please don’t, please,” he mumbled. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t mean to, _please Kenny_.” He was trembling now, his hands shaking. He couldn’t believe he harmed this person, someone who was so wonderful and warm and… perfect. He hurt the only person that he’d ever really loved. Genuinely loved. Not in a familial way, or the weird friend-ish way that he loved Stan.

Kenny looked up at him with a question in his eyes as they began to dull and the remaining life seeped out of him. He reached for Kyle’s hand and gripped it with the little strength he had left. _I’m sorry._  
He seemed to get the message. “What are you sorry for?” Kyle asked, pulling him closer. He swallowed the lump in his throat and let out a nervous laugh, startling both of them. “You did nothing wrong. _Nothing_. It was my fault.”  
Kenny, who was now halfway in Kyle’s lap as his head had carefully been held up, gave a small quirk of his lips. “Sorry anyway,” he croaked, reaching up to stroke Kyle’s cheek with shaking hands.   
“Kenny, please, please be okay, I called Stan, he’s almost here, please don’t die, don’t leave me—“ he hiccuped, lowering his head. “I can’t—I can’t live without you. Please.”  
He smiled again, tired and resigned. Kenny knew he’d just come right back, but even after all these years, his friends never remembered, not even his boyfriend. It hurt to watch, but at the same time, he merely surrendered to his fate. He’d given up years ago. 

He never knew he’d be attacked by someone he loved so much, though. That was probably what hurt the most. He trusted Kyle with everything he had, which wasn’t really anything of monetary value, but rather the secrets he kept close to his chest and hid away from the rest of society. 

Not his immortality, though. Kyle always thought he was crazy and forgot after he told him, anyway.   
And so, resignation and mixed emotions towards Kyle spilling out of him like the blood that was seeping out from under his shirt and staining his orange parka crimson, Kenny shut his eyes, listening to the soft pleas mixed with crying that his love let out.  
He awoke in Hell. Damien and Pip sat nearby at a table, playing cards. The latter noticed him first and gave a cheerful smile. 

“Why, hello there, Kenneth! How was it this time?”  
“Pretty shitty,” he responded, sitting up.   
“Get hit by a car again?” Damien asked, not looking up from the deck. 

“No. As lucky as I am,” he gave a sardonic smile, “God decided that today would be a good day to let my boyfriend murder me.”  
Philip’s jaw practically dropped. He exchanged a glance with Satan’s son. “Oh, dear.”  
“Oh, dear indeed,” Kenny grumbled, pressing a hand against his eyes. He sighed. “This fucking sucks.”

“Well, think of it this way,” Pip said, pulling another smile on. “At least you’ll get to see him again! Oh, if only I could go back up there and see my beloved Estella once again…” he glanced off, seemingly not noticing the irritated glare Damien sent him.

Kenny chuckled. “I’d love to switch places with you, Pip. Really. But I don’t know if that’s… possible?” He sent a questioning glance Damien’s way. The boy sighed. 

“Neither God himself, the bastard, or Satan, has the power to do that.”  
“Oh.”  
“Yes, as unfortunate as it is, you will be stuck in an endless pattern of dying and being resurrected by an old Eldritch curse we have no power over, and Philip shall remain stuck in Hell.”

Pip’s smile dimmed a bit. “Oh. That’s… lovely.”  
“Yep. Your turn.” Damien placed another card down.   
Kenny let out a yawn and noticed he was transparent once again. “Oh. Bye, dudes. Time’s up.”

“Goodbye, Kenny!”  
“Bye, Kenneth.” 

He saluted them just before he disappeared. And then he woke up in the same place he died in. The kitchen. Their kitchen. In the apartment he shared with Kyle. Yeah. Okay.   
Kenny moved to the living room and collapsed onto the couch.

**Author's Note:**

> yo, thanks for reading, if you catch any spelling errors or shit like that lmk,, 
> 
> my brain really decided to just stop working huh
> 
> anyways im trying to work on that third chapter of my crenny fic but i can’t concentrate on anything for more than ten minutes lmao
> 
> so uh. yeah
> 
> imgonna go sleep now


End file.
